Motherhood: No Second Draft
Dear Homebody in Progress,
It’s been difficult deciding what to write here. I mean, when I wrote the Home and Me sections of this blog, all the words just flowed out of me. But here I am, almost a month later, and when I sat down to write this section, “Motherhood in Progress”, I don’t know why, it all felt so… final.
Why is saying exactly the right thing on this blog, where I’m really just talking to myself, so important?
Maybe it’s because motherhood doesn’t feel like something I can revise. There’s no going back to redo a moment or rewrite a day.
There’s only now, and whatever I choose to do with it.
I want to be present with my daughter. I want to read to her when she wants me to read. I want to play when she wants me to play. I want to hold her for as long as she wants to be held, without worrying about what I should be doing instead.
She’s still a baby. She’s my baby. And while she’s sleeping quietly right now, safe in her bed, I can already feel how fast this is all going.
And I think when I’m alone, that’s when the self-doubt and questions start to creep in.
Am I a good mom?
What even makes someone a good mom?
Is it having a big house with a playroom that’s perfectly renovated and always sparkling clean? Is it having a master’s degree, having read 11,243 books (I haven’t, by the way), or being able to give your child everything money can buy?
Or is being a good mom much simpler than that?
I don’t have all the answers yet. But I do know that I love my daughter, and I’m here with her. I’ve been here with her. I see her, and I’m paying attention.
I’m learning as we go through life together, somewhere between the mom I am and the mom I’m becoming. And all I can do… is my best.
Sincerely,
